For Guys Who Need a Clue

I'm shamelessly copying this from someone who shamelessly copied it from someone else... but such is the way of things on the internet. I cleaned up the formatting a little, but I left the capitalization mistakes, only because I find them ironic, and I don't care enough to fix them.

sometimes being a guy is frustrating, because if you're not like a typical male, the actions and patterns of typical males make you want to rip your organs out in a fit of rage, shrieking profanities. in that light, i'd like to offer a few pointers to all you guys out there who still think the phrase "SO WAHT ARE U WARING" will win you the favor of any woman, especially online.

1. for god's sake, use a fucking spell check. literacy is your friend and makes you appear more intelligent, which is becoming increasingly more important in a woman's eyes. they can get a brawny dipshit anywhere. dare to present yourself well.
2. "do u wanna fuck" = REALLY lame attempt. can't you do a little better than that? this is an indication of your penchant for immediate gratification. i've laid groundwork for up to six months leading to the seduction of a woman i desired. LEARN SOME PATIENCE.
3. incessantly steering conversation towards sex makes you reek of desperation. and in fact, that sort of desperation implies that you need to be validated... which makes you sound like you have a little dick. you may someday discover that being able to engage a woman in conversation that doesn't center around your penis from time to time will get a much better response.
4. you are not god's gift to women. so don't assume a girl will be interested in you just because you may have taken the initiative to talk to her.
5. don't bother talking to a woman if you don't have anything interesting to say. all that small talk shit is worthless. they've heard it all before, and from much better looking and more interesting guys than you.
6. women are as unpredictable as the weather, and therefore not necessarily subject to formulaic approaches. don't assume the same approach will work on all of them.
7. insecurity is apparent in everything that you do, and it's unattractive. some typical manifestations: seemingly unwavering bravado, an obvious and desperate need to impress, uncertainty regarding what course of action to take, obsession with (and the constant mention of) material possessions that you feel set you apart from the crowd.
8. don't always try to steer the conversation towards topics that you're knowledgeable about just to seem intelligent. it SCREAMS "i am insecure", or at the very least, "my knowledge is too specific for me to be interesting".
9. women who are not virgins are not "defiled" or "tainted". women who *are* shouldn't be considered more desirable just because nobody's "been there" before. this is an immature and amateurish attitude towards women and sex.
10. lying or pretending you're something you're not just to get laid is SELLING OUT to get pussy. you obviously aren't good enough to get any without deceit as a fulcrum. i would pity you if you didn't make me fucking sick.
11. it's really not that hard to tell a girl up front if your interest in her has boundaries. and then you won't seem like a piece of shit when you reach those boundaries.
12. a girl is not obligated to kiss you or provide you with ANY sort of sexual gratification under any circumstances WHATSOEVER, no matter what. get over your ego. you don't deserve SHIT. nobody does. you are not special.
13. emotional retardation is universal. guys apparently don't seem to understand women's emotions. women don't understand most guys' lack thereof. open up a little, for fuck's sake. being afraid to open up emotionally denotes fear.
14. the majority of human beings seek out other human beings, subconsciously or otherwise, with the intent of feeling better about themselves. you may want to question your pursuit of another for any purpose if this applies to you.

I could go on and on and on, but i don't feel like it. keep in mind that, like all rules and guidelines, these have exceptions. But remember, exceptions don't rule out the possibility that you're a douchebag. so you might want to work on yourself or your technique a little. thank you. drive through.